Andreè's face relaxed once his dad pasted his room. He only hoped he wouldn't notice the smell that came from his room. He felt awful about what he was doing, but he couldn't just stop. He felt sick at the stomach at the thought of a disappointed look on his dad's face, the image played in his head. His usual smile long discarded to the side and replaced with a longing frown that seemed etched into his skull.
His mother wouldn't seem as displeased with a thing as such. At least he didn't think his mother did one herself. A cigarette at least, like the one that usually sat between her fingers. He clutched his phone in his hand as the last burn of the cigarette went loose. He wouldn't do it again.
What a stupid kid.
It ran in his head, over and over, he's so smart, and he's ruining his health. His head burnt at thoughts that continue to seeth.
What would orion think to see his boyfriend hurting his health
He shouldn't care. But the hope in his eyes would show, hope that he'd stop smoking. Until he finds out about his diet.
Deit, Deit, Deit, Deit.
Alastor would beg him to eat and keep it up. Not to pour the food out onto the floor as silent as possible. Beg him to get his fingers out of his throat, and he'd toss out the scale in the bathroom. That kid has too much to think about, the poor kid, they put so much on him to carry. He should be admiring himself and playing instruments and hanging out with friends.
Burden, Burden, Burden.
He felt like he couldn't breathe. With every breath left in his lungs, he wanted to run up to his dad and tell him what he'd done. But for tonight, he'd settle on taking a bath and restarting. He'd ignore orions messages about school tomorrow and focus on what he needed to do.
As he filled the tub with water, it seemed to get hotter, as if the temperature would melt the guilt off his hands. The water would seem cold to any sane person, not to him, tho, it was like a boiling sea, and it was finally crashing down on him. He'd only weighed 94lbs the day prior, and his legs felt like jelly. His eyes wanted to be stapled shut.
They tried to help you. They tried to help
His ears rang, and he barely noticed the water rising in the tub. The faucet turned off, and Andreè looked in the mirror. He couldn't bring himself to get in. His brown jacket was lying over his shoulders still. It was one he wore often, but it was the one orion complimented every time he'd worn it.
That brought a smile to his face, Orions favorite jacket..
What would he think if he knew.
He lay his head down on the counter, his boots still had yet to come off, and he couldn't bring himself to care.
The scale lay on the ground beside the countertop, and he tried to ignore it.
What would they think? What would any of them think? The lighter from his pocket had been thrown to the ground with a thud, and he tossed himself along with it, sinking down the wall to wallow on the floor. His dad worked so hard to make sure they didn't feel like this. Always smiling even if it was creepy, and yet Marshall couldn't even try. As of recently, his face was forlonged, a stale kind of emotion it was.
He let a scream rip through his throat. He knew everyone was home, but he couldn't care it was all burnt into his head how useless. The mascara on his eyelashes was clumped up mess from where he'd been rubbing his eyes. A loud knock was heard on the other side of the door. Oriom scrambled quickly to grab the lighter off the floor and pocket it. His feet seemed to gravitate to the floor, opening the door.
His brother stood there, staring at him with sleepy eyes, “are you getting in the shower or what?”
“I'm trying, but someone's at the door.”
“You’re not. You're screaming, and your boots are still on,” be rolled his eyes. “Whatever, if you're not getting a bath or shower, mom wanted me to make sure you were okay.”
“I'm fine, thanks, I guess," Andreè shuffled back to close the door.
“Hurry up,” his brother continued to bang on the door once it was closed again.
So he did.
♧~♧
His bath had only taken fifteen minutes.
Without the existential crisis.
Andreè headed to his room. The lights flickered a bit at the first notion of a flipped switch. The smell of sausage filled his nose, he's sure his dad's cooking tonight. He wanted to eat, really he did.
He just wants to be skinny enough, skinny enough for someone to hug him. Nobody did before, so maybe they will now. He knows Orion would if he asked, but he did want to have to ask. He just wants a damn hug. In his head it sounds to pathetic, harming his health for what a fucking hug? But he can't just stop, it's not like he can even stomach it.
Andreè ran his fingers over the chipped gutair he helplessly tried to play. His moms words rang in his head.
No talent. What a talentless kid.
He's sure his mom didn't mean it, she was having a bad day. So he couldn't blame her, maybe she was right, but that was months ago, she probably doesn't even remember it happening.
The lighter in his pocket fell onto the floor, Andreè kicked it under his bed. The damn thing couldn't be seen or he was fucked.
His dad seemed to give a fuck about this stuff, and his mom, damn his mom already thinks he's a smart-ass. They love him, he knows that but it's hard to tell someone about something like that if it's already hell.
~~
The next morning hadn't been to shitty.
Until he actually woke up, his dad stood in the doorway, “Good morning Andreè.”
“Ugh, hey dad.”
He stayed there while Andreè got up, “well do you need anything?”
“No.”
Andreè eyed him a bit. He grabbed a shirt from his dresser and slipped it on grabbing a pair of pants, “Go in there so I can change.” Andreè couldn't help but say as if it were common sense.
His dad just stood there.
“Can you leave?”
“Can you tell me what this is?”
His lighter.
“No clue,” he rolled his eyes a bit, grabbing the pants off his bed.
“Well I found it in your room, so I'd hope you'd know what it is unless we have a problem,” His dads eyes darted around the room.
“Fine,” Marshall huffed, “I'm hiding it for Alastor.”
“Oh, is that so? I'll have to speak to his parents about this then.”
His dad noticed how Andreè stiffened. He felt like pins and needles stabbed in his back but responded anyway, “you do that then. Just get going so I can change, will you?”
“Suree,” the door shut behind him.
Andreè let out a huge breath, he felt numb, his heart was piercing his chest. Quickly as possible he slipped on a different pair of pants. Making sure any other possible signs of cigarettes left in his room.
Surely his father never searched his room, but Andreè remembers sliding the lighter under his bed last night so unless he'd been searching inside he shouldn't have been able to find it.
His shoulders sag. He's got to hurry off if he doesn't want to he late. His dorm hall was being closed for renovation after the storms so he's living at home until its fixed. In his mind it makes it easier to get away with skipping. Although orion had been wishing to see him. He'd had a dreadful weekend.
Andreè grabs his bag and quickly runs down the stairs, avoiding his father's room. He lifts the door handle so it doesn't make noise as he exits.
He prays his father doesn't find anything while he's gone.
Yet he knows there's only so much praying can get done..
Hello! Thank you for reading! sorry for all my gramatical mistakes lol! coding fanfic into here is hard. Anyways hope u enjoyed! -Rowan♧
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